Insecurities…. it affects us all. There is no one who is exempt from feeling vulnerable about a particular physical feature. Sometimes we feel vulnerable on the mental/emotional level because of past experiences.
Maybe it was someone who made us feel bad because of the way we are. Or there was a comment/statement made about us that was never told to us prior to that interaction and because of whatever that was said, we become more self conscious and our self esteem is lowered as a result. In addition, it could be that we just feel like we’re not good enough period. It’s a flaw. A flaw that we’re trying to correct and if we can’t a flaw we are trying to disguise or filter out.
Feeling less than or inferior when it comes to other people, has to be one of the worst feelings ever. Comparing oneself to someone else will NEVER make us feel satisfied with who we are. And the crazy thing about that is the very people that we wish to be like, could possibly wish they had our lives as well! How ironic. We live in a world where we think certain people have it all because the way they flaunt their worldly things or how happy they seem to be but in the end, we never know what is going on behind close doors.
I would like us to discuss a couple of reasons as to why we feel insecure and what can be done to love ourselves again….. Flaws and all! (P.S. – I spoke about one insecurity in Completeness of a Person, feel free to check it out).
Bullying Insecurities
One reason people may feel insecure about themselves – bullies. Sadly, kids/teenagers can be so mean. Sometimes for no reason at all. I know bullying can start at any age and/or continue even through adulthood. It varies. Being picked on because we were/are taller than the other kids, shorter, wore braces, chubbier, skinnier, darker, nerdier, had pimples, a teacher’s pet, a loner, a goth head, a Christian, gay, etc. The list goes on. Furthermore, the bully themselves are also insecure about who they are so they project their frustrations onto other kids half their size. Additionally, the bullied may become the bully herself/himself. It’s a detrimental cycle.
I remember the day that I was bullied for the first time. It was in sixth grade. It was in Mrs. Scorzelli’s class. Hot day too. It was my first time wearing shorts and your girl was feeling herself okay! It was sixth period and I walked in feeling bossed up. A boy, who goes by the name Billy, CLOWNED on my legs for what seemed like forever! Everybody, including my trifling friends, were laughing uncontrollably. Luckily, there was a voice in my head that told me to put pants in my backpack…. just in case. The bullying got to the point that I ran to the bathroom and changed to my uniform pants. I was humiliated. Why did Billy pick on me? I don’t know. I didn’t do anything to the kid. In all honesty, I have never been that embarrassed before. Wow. Thankfully, I’m not insecure about my legs now… well, the self doubt decreased drastically. Even with my faded eczema scars and all, if I had to wear short, I would. But it took me about 4-5 years to become comfortable in shorts again.
Regrettably, I was a bully in seventh grade to this one girl. It still makes me cringe thinking about it. Very disappointing behavior indeed. I take full accountability for that ignorance. She didn’t bother me in any way, shape, or form so I was reluctant to hate on her. But, I had people in my ear who were telling me this and that and eventually succumbed to peer pressure and let my desires to be that “tough” girl take over. I was known as the girl who “got hands” (someone who knows how to fight). That title/label made me lash out on anyone who negatively had my name in their mouths.
CRINGY.
Maybe I was trying to redeem myself because of what happened a semester prior to my seventh grade year. Maybe I wanted people to fear me so no one could have the audacity to even attempt to bully me again. Or maybe I wanted to feel what it was like to have “power.” Never again will I allow myself to bully anyone because of hearsay or because I wanted to seem superior than another person. Never again will I allow myself to be peer pressured to be this tough girl just to be respected and feared.
Throughout high school, I didn’t really have confidence in myself. Luckily, I was academically gifted and I was always the “goofy” girl. I have the gift of making people laugh until they cry. My wittiness and quick thinking of goofy things has always been one of many redeeming qualities that I have because physically, I didn’t feel pretty. Definitely not as pretty as the other girls in my school. My mom still picked out my clothes so you know how that went. I was HARDLY ever complimented on the way I looked. And when I was, I didn’t know how to receive the compliment. Nevertheless, I was really popular because I was extremely goofy so I didn’t feel as bad. But thankfully, that all changed when I got to college though.
The compliments were/are unbelievable. The praises about my physical beauty got to the point that I felt like people were trying to be funny. I had no idea my glow up happened after I graduated high school. It almost seemed immediate. But then I started feeling like all of this admiration was genuine because the gazing of adoration and the verbal appreciation was tooooooo much. That definitely sent my self esteem THROUGH THE ROOF. Now, there is no one in this world that can tell me nothing. I know I look good and YOU do too. It just took a little recognition from others to know I am also beautiful. They were able to open my eyes because even though my beauty is unique, due to my prominent facial structure, slender frame, full lips, small and shiny dark eyes and high cheekbones, I thought that there was a certain image that fit the criteria to what “beauty” is. Now, I know beauty should be different from your average, typical look because beauty stands out and it evolves. Also, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. However, relying on the physical aspect of beauty should not be the only priority. Our character is also important and it should also level up to what we look like on the outside.
I’ve grown so much and even though I am not proud about how I handled things during my teen years, I have to accept it. You live and you learn. I know the phases I went through are pretty common but I should’ve avoided certain crowds altogether – knowing what they were all about.
Furthermore, when people don’t say nice things to/about us, we start to self doubt and feel unworthy. But when they do, BOY we eat that up. We’re thinking about that compliment throughout that whole day. We can’t lie, being complimented brings about a nice, warm feeling. No, we don’t need validations to love ourselves but when we’re not told that we’re pretty/handsome….like EVER, it becomes hard to see the beauty that lies within us. A compliment goes a long way. Just one. Or two. Heck, even 10 is not too shabby! Being a teenager is hard but I feel like it gets better when we’re finally young adults. (Hopefully….. crossing fingers).
Cheating Insecurities
Another reason why people may feel insecure is because they were cheated on by someone they love(d). Truly, that is a crushing blow! The cheater does not know how damaging his/her actions are mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and physically, to his/her romantic partner. They might start to think that they’re not worthy enough to be loved.
Am I not pretty enough?
What does he have that I don’t?
So I wasn’t doing enough? What could I have done differently?
Unfortunately, they might be reluctant to ever trust someone again because they fear that they’ll get their hearts broken again.
For example, let’s just say the man or woman ends up being in a healthy relationship, but they are still not able to fully trust their partners to remain faithful throughout the course of their relationship. Second guessing every move is tiring but it is a reality for some of us. Furthermore, our insecurities can cloud our judgment and make us act out in ways that are out of our character. However, if we must give Second Chances in hopes of reviving the relationship, we should make sure the person is worthy of it. But, I sternly believe and stand behind that second chances should not be given out to cheaters. I believe cheating is a conscious decision (even if they were inebriated) because it is a choice.
Furthermore, I do not get it….
Instead of the cheater leaving the relationship altogether, they would much rather sneak around. I really do not understand that logic – if you can even call it that. Like… what? Why couldn’t they just leave instead of breaking an innocent heart? Additionally, that kind of heartbreak may be impossible to recover from, especially if the man/woman was madly and deeply in love. So people are really built like that? To intentionally hurt and break people down without thinking about what that can do to them in the long run? I’m pretty sure they are aware but would much rather indulge in their sensual affairs at the moment and deal with the consequences later.
It’s even worse when there is a long history involved. For those of us who’ve been through heartbreak, I feel for you. I could only imagine the thoughts that are running through the mind of an aching heart. I’m sorry. There’s nothing wrong with you but there’s EVERYTHING wrong with them. People who only care for their satisfaction and instant gratification, will always hurt and make people insecure along the way.
Society and its Unrealistic Views
Thirdly, people may become insecure because of society. Insecurities stems from societal views about what or how a person should look like to be classified as “attractive.” Society holds the concept of Eurocentric beauty as the beauty females should uphold and conform to. The white or fair skinned, skinny model look ideology is a drag. The buff, beard macho man look is troubling. It’s perpetuating that if we do not have certain features, we are automatically not as pretty/handsome. Society should not be dictating what is beautiful – it is messed up as it is. On top of that, people get surgery and become unrecognizable just to feel pretty. We should always remember that we are all uniquely beautiful. Black is beautiful. Brown is beautiful. White is beautiful. Skinny is beautiful. Big is beautiful. Tall is beautiful. Short is beautiful.
Unfortunately, our little kids grow up being desensitized to what beauty is supposed to look like and as a result, they become discouraged. Self esteem is low. Self love is non-existent. Insecurities are rampant. These kids do not have the chance to embrace who they are because of what is being shown on TV, social media, magazines, billboards, etc. It’s everywhere and it is in your face constantly. It’s saddening really. Adults are affected the same way.
Society can be callous without taking into consideration the adverse effects they project on young children. That has to change. I think it should start at home. Telling our kids how beautiful they are, inside and out can really make a huge difference. Whether it is randomly, everyday, only when they’re going out, spreading positive vibes should be a priority. If they hear it all the time and if a stranger tells them they’re ugly, our kids know they lying! Because they mama/dada said it ain’t so!
Conclusion
In conclusion, we all have insecurities. It is inevitable. However, it is important to not allow our flaws to dictate our worth. We all have something special to contribute to the world. Also, surrounding ourselves with positive and uplifting people is important. Bottom line : Our insecurities does not define who we are.
You may leave questions, comments and/or suggestions if you want to.
As always, thank you for reading. God Bless.
