Do you have trust issues? I know I do… Unfortunately. I came across a few people who I thought were genuine – only to be proven wrong. There are series of questions that are constantly flooding our minds about what made the friendship/relationship go wrong. We want an explanation but often times we are too stubborn or prideful to ask for it. We just let bygones be bygones. Going with the flow of things. Furthermore, my trust issues stems from certain people who only hang around me temporarily until they decide to leave for whatever reason. I’ve had only a couple of instances of that happening and I’ll go into details on one of them in this discussion. I’ll also discuss other reasons as to why some of us have trust issues.
Prevention
Our trust issues can originate from wanting to prevent heartbreak in the first place. Prevention is better than having to pick up the pieces of a broken heart. We want to guard our hearts against the possibilities of hurting and we put that barrier up with every “potential partner” we meet. Maybe we do that because of what we went through in the past (relationships/friendships). It could be that the wounds are still fresh and jumping into something new scares us. For others, it could be that we hear stories about failed relationships and based off of that, we would rather put that fence up than go through what our friends/relatives went through. I mostly fall into the latter category.
Side note : I briefly touched on this topic in Consistency and Inconsistency and Genuine or Deceptive.
For me, there are certain things that I will not and can not put up with – out of respect for my self-worth. So if I see early signs that are sketchy, my preventive measures kicks in and I make sure my heart is not open and vulnerable to people who do not deserve to know me on an intimate level. Are you the same way?
STORY TIME
Story time is based on a true story – mine. One of my experiences with a close friend made me reconsider how I move with certain people. Often, when people come to me with their issues, I tend to take on those issues as if they were my own. My emotions are high. My heart is heavy. I want to make it better so when my friends come to me with relationship troubles, I give my honest advice about what they could do to heal. One specific friend in particular was emotionally, mentally, and physically damaged because of what she went through with her partner. Out of respect for her, I will not disclose her name. She was a great friend so her identity will remain hidden. I just want my readers(you) to understand why I question my candidness.
Every time when she would call me, she was either sobbing or audibly distressed. It was emotionally draining for me but she needed me… and I cared for her deeply. I gave my time and effort in mending her heart/mind for several months. I told her the truth of what she needs to do to remove toxicity from her life. Her mindset was fixated on history. She did not want to throw several years with her partner out the window. I didn’t believe that to be a valid reason. A cliche excuse at best.
And to be truthful, I really liked the guy. He was REALLY nice and timid whenever we were around each other. But in the end, I can not ignore nor do I appreciate what he put my former friend through. I was rooting for them in the beginning because I saw how happy he made her. Never again. I cared more for her mental state than I did about her “history.”
Fast forward – we don’t talk anymore. Like at all. I called her one day to check on her and she said she was at Las Vegas. She said she’ll call me back later when she was available. That was months ago. Now I’m too prideful to inquire why she never reached out to me because Communication goes both ways. I do not kiss @** to anyone. When people feel like speaking, they’ll speak without me tailing them about it. But that’s neither here nor there. I believe she was with him at Las Vegas and I believe she cut me off because she knew I did not support their relationship. She would much rather sacrifice her sanity for “history.” She would always tell me that she did not like the thought of starting over with someone else. They’ve been together since high school.
My friends, she would cry uncontrollably, think self destructive thoughts, starve herself, and would be too distraught to practice hygienic routines. I was extremely concerned for her every day. Whenever she called, I pulled up or I was available to talk on the phone. So much for that. She NEVER reached out to me ever since that day and I didn’t do anything to that woman. She cut me off for selfish reasons. I admit, I was hurting. Trying to decipher what I did or said wrong, yielded no results. So because of that situation, and due to our history, I feel like my honesty was not appreciated. My effort in comforting her was taken for granted.
Moreover, I do not know how honest I really should be when people come to me about their relationship issues. If I’m too honest, will they stop coming to me? Will they cut me off ? It makes me question.
Furthermore, most people, even strangers that I do come across are very transparent with me. They tend to trust me with secrets they should take to the grave with them. I take pride in that because I’m happy people feel comfortable and safe enough to trust me with their secrets/feelings. So it still puzzles me that after ALL of that, she would trade in a friend like me for a relationship that was damaging in every aspect of her well being. But good luck to her though. No ill feelings here. I hope she heals and find peace in her heart because she really is a sweet girl.
Thankfully, I did mention the Lord to her several times before we ceased communication. I hope she took that advice seriously. May God shower her with love, comfort and restoration. Amen. In addition, has anyone been through the same thing? Please tell me how you handled the situation.
Verbal Insults
Our trust issues can arise from verbal insults we hear from friends/relatives. We start to believe them. Our Insecurities makes us feel unworthy. It’s a lot. We become distant or think everyone we come across are the same. It’s hard to distinguish from genuine compliments to sarcastic mockery. When it comes down to it, that self discovery/love is absolutely magnificent when we start to become satisfied with who we are and what we look like. For some of us, it takes an angel in human form to show us the way. Other times, we come to that kind of appreciation by distancing ourselves from toxicity and engaging in soothing activities. Heck, even both! Furthermore, verbal insults can unleash trust issues that we never knew were there. Surrounding ourselves with positive and uplifting individuals can surely help alleviate those negative feelings.
Conclusion
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