Disclaimer: Before I start, this blog post may not be suitable or appropriate for young teenagers. Viewer discretion is advised.
Let’s talk about something different, shall we?
We live in a society where double standards contradicts certain principles.
Men are able to engage in cheating practices and chuck it up to the biological making of their essence. Meaning – men are sexually motivated and driven to chase women all day long because their sexual nature “enables” them to get aroused when they see an attractive woman walk by. Their actions are overlooked and/or ignored because their “men.” But when women want to experience that same sexual liberation and date different men, they are automatically deemed a “you know what.”
Sometimes women just want to have fun with no strings attached too. Society is so quick to disgrace and degrade a woman for her actions but keep quiet when men turn around and do the same thing. If we negatively judge a certain behavior, that should be applied across the board – irrespective of WHO is doing it.
Or what about men who like the color pink or are gentle spirited? They may be viewed as someone who is “down low.” Or if a woman likes to fix things or is interested in “masculine activities”, she is viewed as a “dyke.” Men are not allowed to show emotions because that makes them a “sissy” or that’s a “woman thing.” Toxic, toxic, AND toxic.
And no.
Writing about this topic does not imply or insinuate that I partake in anything that was mentioned above, I am simply pointing out the variations of double standards and how biased and unreasonable they are. Also, I am in no place to judge anyone who are rendezvousing with different partners because I also have a past and I am not a saint. The judging of one’s character and actions, I leave up to the good Lord. As mentioned, I am presenting my argument that it goes both ways if we want to shun or accept a certain behavior. Furthermore, I think discipline plays a factor in this.
Discipline
Discipline depends on the gender and let me tell you why.
As we grow up, the things that boys get away with compared to girls are unfair. In my opinion, parents tend to be more strict on their daughters compared to their sons. I formed my opinion on the basis of different articles I read online, the videos I’ve seen and the testimonies of women who went through a much more rigorous upbringing than their male siblings.
Boys get a pass on certain activities while girls engaging in the SAME activities are scolded at more sternly. That kind of “discipline” enables certain behaviors in boys because they are never really punished for doing things that may be considered morally wrong or just wrong period. That is why some men grow up thinking their toxic behaviors are not worrisome because no one ever taught them otherwise. It also enables them to believe that what they do has minimal to no consequences at all. And just so we’re clear, this is not a rant against the male species (because I know there are some people who may want something to argue about in the comments).
To continue, we have mothers who baby their sons (grown at that) and we have fathers who support behaviors that should be discouraged. We have girls who love their daddies more than anything and are spoiled and we have mothers who discipline their girls to be ladylike at a very young age. There’s a whole lot going on! But let me try to narrow it down.
Sneaking out late to meet up with a “friend” goes two ways when it comes to who is doing it. When the son does it, he MIGHT receive a slap on the wrist. Heck, it might even be ignored. But when the daughter does it, she is looked down upon as if she disgraced herself in a way that is irredeemable. But it depends on the parenting style. If the parent is willing to hold BOTH parties accountable, then the discipline is applied appropriately and evenly.
But I get it.
Mothers hold their daughters to a higher degree/standard and they want their daughters to be classy and have morals. But shouldn’t we want those same things for our sons? If we look at how boys and girls are raised, there is a vast difference and it’s not even close.
But let’s bring the fathers in for a second.
Boys who lose their virginity early on are more comfortable with talking to their fathers about it because it’s a “boy” thing. The boy is finding himself as a “man” and he is growing up. I’ve heard stories of fathers congratulating their sons for that – which is funnnnyyy. But, if the daughter were to engage in the same manner, the whole world is ending! On top of that, I believe daughters wouldn’t feel comfortable or might have reservations in opening up to their moms about it because of how disappointed or critical the mom might be. Am I RIGHT or am I RIGHT? Again, this is my perspective on things, based on what I’ve seen and heard. In addition, there are plenty of articles online that support this phenomenon.
Moreover, the way that kids are raised either push them away from or make them open up more to their parents. Girls will automatically feel shameful even thinking about certain things just because they know how overly critical their parents can be. The same applies to boys. That is why some kids go behind their parents back without being forthcoming about their plans because there is no safe haven to speak about or do certain things in their household without being judged.
Girls have to be harder on themselves emotionally and mentally because the pressure of being that “perfect” daughter is overwhelming. Boys also go through the same treatment as well. But me speaking as a woman, I believe parenting styles are more lenient on boys in certain instances.
However, the roles can be reversed. Fathers want to discipline their sons at a young age. The father is trying to bring his boy up in a way that toughens/straightens him up. Whether it is not taking disrespect from another man by defending oneself or teaching him manners and how to be respectful towards women. Again, it all depends on the parenting style and how receptive or stubborn the child is to that kind of upbringing. If it is unfair, the child will object to it in one way or another but if it is reasonable and consistent, the child will accept because he or she understands why their behavior is being corrected.
There are MANY MANY factors that comes into play with double standards and discipline. Our culture, the countries we come from, the people we are associated with, the music we are influenced by, etc. I have no right to dictate what is the “best” way of raising a child nor do I claim to have all the answers. However, if I can offer my two cents, I do believe in raising up kids in a home that is loving, fair, and responsible. Meaning, we shouldn’t look the other way when kids get out of line. We should hold them accountable and speak to/encourage them to tell us why they did what they did. We need them to be more open with us so they can feel comfortable in sharing what is troubling them inside or what drove them to do such and such.
Disproportionately handing out punishments that are solely punitive with no verbal corrections is not the way to go. These verbal corrections should be communicated clearly and cautiously. Communication is key. If our children only hears us screaming at them and us pinpointing what they’re doing wrong, they’ll never come to us when they need to speak to someone because they will be afraid to do so.
Teaching boys to respect themselves should be of the utmost importance. Same applies to women. Raising boys to be gentlemen and chivalrous will help them in the long run. Raising girls to love and embrace themselves will help them in the long run as well. Our girls shouldn’t be uncomfortable speaking to their moms about topics that deals with their bodies too. Encouraging that it is okay to make mistakes should be emphasized. No one is perfect and projecting that kind of irrational belief onto our kids is damaging.
I am ALL about communication. I love openness. Spreading love and good vibes are things I partake in on the regular (depending on who you ask).
But for me, when the Lord blesses me to be a mom, I will make sure my little one(s) is/are brought up responsibly. I will hold myself to the highest degree in making sure that they can talk to me about WHATEVER and feel comfortable in doing so. But of course, I’ll be a mother FIRST and a best friend SECOND. Double standards will not fly in my household and equally implementing rules that are logical to follow will be made clear. By the grace of the Lord, I will do my very best to bring them up to be mature, loving and confident young individuals. If I don’t, Insecurities will creep in and I cannot let that happen.
Forgive me y’all for thinking about my future when it comes to kids, I just love them. And I want to make sure I do right by them.
Conclusion
You may leave questions, comments and/or suggestions if you so choose. Thank you for reading. God bless!
