I get it. We all do it because it is part of our nature.
We are constantly being hounded by our thoughts that something is “off” or someone is trying to make a “fool” out of us. We start overthinking and over analyzing every action that was taken and every word spoken. Sometimes, it’s the actions that were NOT taken or words that were NOT said that also keeps us second guessing. We jump to conclusions and make up scenarios that COULD possibly explain why things are different between us and our partners/friends/family. Then we start obsessing about the “what if’s” and we’re left feeling played or in our feelings. It’s a whole lot of emotions and made up stories that are constantly unfolding in our thoughts.
Overthinking is a strenuous process because there is a continuation of negative thoughts that gets worse every time we include more “parts” to a story. Soon enough, it starts to become complicated and difficult to distinguish between what actually happened from what never took place. We take something that people might conclude to be insignificant and we blow it out of proportion. To me, the reason why we do that is because people can be passive aggressive.
We have to read in between the lines because we know that there are certain individuals who are subliminally trying to say something but they don’t explicitly come out and say what is on their mind. They can be possibly hiding some unresolved emotions and are trying to hide behind their vagueness without really being forthcoming about what they are trying to say. It can come off as “shade.” (And for my older audiences, shade is throwing insults that are petty and indirect in nature).
We especially start to overthink when there are things that were said and/or done, that were NEVER said and/or done before. In other words – this is something new. We are not familiar with certain behaviors that are being displayed nor are we familiar with certain words that are being spoken to us. So of course, we have tendencies to nitpick and investigate why the people closes to us are acting “weird” or “different.”
Let’s take a relationship for an example. We notice our partner acting distant or not as interactive with us as they used to be. They want to hang out with their friends more and are spending less time at home. When we inquire about their mood swings, they get agitated or are not upfront about issues that are bothering them. Since they are hesitant to speak about what is wrong with them, we take it upon ourselves to conclude why they’re acting “strange.”
Or let’s take a friend who just stops speaking to us out of nowhere.
We are overthinking that maybe we said something that was rude or we did something that made our friend pull the plug from our friendship. (I spoke about one situation on Trust Issues). We don’t know what happened and we overthink that maybe we’re the problem. (No, I am not bitter about what happened, a friendship that ends randomly is the point I’m trying to make for this example – which can lead to us overthinking).
But at the same time, if we didn’t do anything to intentionally upset them or make them question our loyalty, we shouldn’t think that we’re the problem. Communication that is effective should be respectfully expressed on both ends and if one party is unwilling to do so, we cannot force it because that wouldn’t feel natural.
It happens.
People grow out of others because they are on a different path in life and/or they don’t find that specific individual beneficial to their life anymore. But my fellow readers and viewers, we must remember that life is too short to be worried about someone who does not care or respect us enough to offer an explanation about why they think it is best for us to part ways. (IMO).
There are more important things that require our attention and we should refuse to be wrapped up with someone who wants to play games all day. What do you think?
Assuming
Assuming is concluding that there is something fishy going on without having legitimate proof of anything actually happening. Sometimes our Gut Instinct is trying to tell us that there is more to someone than what he or she is letting on.
I know. I know.
We dislike assumers.
Why can’t they just directly ask the source instead of imagining things? Well my friends, it is the way our mind works. And also people LIE when we ask them directly.
We’ve all assumed things in our past. But before that, there are signs that led us to believe WHY we think they’re up to no good.
Let’s take a relationship for an example – AGAIN.
Our partner inadvertently left their phone behind on the kitchen counter. It keeps going off and we see a name that keeps coming up. We check who could that be and then at that same moment, our partner walks in and grabs the phone out of our hands. They accuse us of snooping and invading their privacy when that wasn’t necessarily the case.
We apologize and tell them that so and so kept ringing their phone. We ask who they are and their response is vague. They tell us just ENOUGH without giving too much away or they are just blatantly lying. We see that they are annoyed with us prying into their business so we let it go. We want to avoid starting an argument because once we pry, its “oh so you don’t trust me?”
And THAT my friend is why we assume things. It’s hard not to in that kind of situation. We’re left with no choice. Do y’all agree or disagree?
Conclusion
In conclusion, overthinking is inescapable because we all have been in that position where people are doing things that are out of the ordinary. We want to know why they said this or did that and what made them do or say that. Even the little things (if we pay close attention) provokes the same reaction.
BUT
Assuming can be avoided if people were more honest with themselves and with those closest to them. If I am put in a situation where I have to question your motives, assuming is all that I can do! On top of that, I will give them the benefit of the doubt and directly ask the source and if things do not add up – cutting ties seems more rational than investigating their lies because that is a lot of wasted energy and effort. I do not have the time boo and that is just what it is. How many of us can relate??
All in all, people tend to lie because they feel guilty or are guilty about something so my complete trust, as mentioned throughout this website, is solely in the Lord. At least I know that there is no funny business going on! My family is up there as well but the Lord is always #1. And of course, when people show me that they’re different than the average human being, I MIGHT consider trusting them 80% of the time :). It depends.
Anyways, thank you all for reading. You may leave questions, comments and/or suggestions if you so choose. Stay safe and God bless.
