“When people show you how they are the first time, believe them.” That statement is absolutely true. Of course, this is my personal view on the matter and we are all entitled to our beliefs/opinions. But the question is…. When is it okay to give someone a second chance? When are second chances applicable? Hmm…
Second chances are tricky. It depends on the circumstances and the parties involved. However, please do not take lightly actions/behaviors that are unmistakably disrespectful. We should not allow anyone to repeatedly violate our trust and apologize for their wrongdoing EVERY SINGLE TIME. That is not fair to us. Apologies are useless if the same exact behavior that we do not like, is repeated on a continuing basis. Anyone can be sorry but it takes more effort to change problematic practices.
Second chances are for specific and genuine situations. The wrongdoer is sincerely remorseful about whatever it is that he/she did. He/She is taking full responsibility for the pain caused and is willing to make the necessary changes required in order to repair the friendship/relationship. They are willing to put their ego/pride aside and work towards becoming a better person for their partner/friend. HOWEVER, cheating is NO exception…. At least, in my book. There are no second chances when it comes to someone intentionally and blatantly cheating. There are no two ways about it. That is a done deal. A deal breaker. All bets are off the table. Deuces. Bye. Adios. See you never.
My friends, cheating is not a reason. It’s a choice. When people say, “The reason why I cheated is because…” No, they WANTED to commit the act, there is no reason. It’s a choice. A poorly made one at that. Especially if the cheater is trying to cover up what they did! Too late. There are no second chances when it comes to someone engaging in activities they have no business engaging in. If the love was real from the jump, cheating wouldn’t be an issue. Fighting off tempting women/men would not be difficult. People who succumb to temptations and cheat on the person that they “love” are crooked. If the cheater is willing to make their partner look stupid by messing around with other people, they never truly respected their partner in the first place. Point blank PERIOD.
I have yet to hear a good “reason” as to why someone cheated. I’ll wait. Because there is none! It’s a choice.
Please be wise in choosing who you give second chances to. Of course, we can always forgive and forget. Or forgive and not forget. It’s your choice… but we should always want to forgive. It’s the right thing to do in order to clear our conscience and move on with our lives. God forgives us for our sins so who are we to not forgive the sins of others? However, forgiving does not mean putting ourselves in the same predicament that got us hurt in the first place. It means that we are no longer affected by their disrespect because we are healing and growing.
In other cases, giving second chances seems logical. One example that I can think of is when a friend or romantic partner rub us the wrong way. We are either hurting and/or mad as a result. If we do not precisely lay out our Pet Peeves or what it is that we do not approve of, how in the world will our friends and/or romantic partner know what NOT to do? For example, if they joke about an insecurity they never knew we had, we get upset/sad. Then they’re wondering why. It is healthier to explain to them that the joke was hurtful and not at all funny than to close off and push them away. Giving second chances in those instances, I will gladly do. Bottom line – this is one particular case that second chances are available.
In reality, I do not like to be vulnerable with my feelings so people might not know what irks me the wrong way. Rightfully so, they were never properly addressed. I know I have to work on that. It’s a learning process every single day. However, I am getting better so yay me!
Giving too many “second” chances will undermine the importance of learning from our mistakes. If we keep giving second chances to the same mistakes that are made over and over again, our forgiveness will be short lived. The mistakes are deliberate if they are done consistently. People take advantage of our kindness and they never change because we keep giving them a pass. There is only so much pain a person can take. I wish people were more sympathetic to others and their feelings. It’s such a cruel world. We must be mindful about who we give second chances to and why. We must be able to judge wisely because people can really sell their “hurting” face. They’ll promise to never do so and so again and look remorseful about it. We must determine whether it is sincere or not. Our heart depends on it.
Thank you for checking out this blog and if you haven’t already, please check out Consistency and Inconsistency. I wrote about certain behaviors that will show us who are genuinely for us and who are not. From there, you’ll be able to distinguish who you should give second chances to, just by their actions. God bless.
You may leave questions, comments and/or suggestions if you so choose.
