Hello, my name is Stephanie. I come from a Nigerian background – a culture that is rich in tradition. I am the second born of three children in my family. I am 5’10 (huge growth spurt in 7th grade) and that definitely makes me noticeable. I have one younger brother (21) and one older sister (25). I am 23 years old (my birthday is June 1st). My mom and dad are 47 and 57, respectively. I am currently a full time student at CSUN. I am currently in the process of obtaining my Bachelors Degree in Criminal and Justice Studies. Fall 2020 is my graduating year (fingers crossed). My end goal is to become a Prosecutor – to help those that cannot help themselves. I want to be an outlet for people who are oblivious to resources that are readily available to them by the government. I want to help out those who are marginalized by society – consequently engaging in delinquent and criminal activities because of little to no opportunities being offered to them. Opportunities such as job employment agencies, rehabilitation centers, high skill training classes, etc. These services will be beneficial to anyone who needs them and utilizing them, will help empower those of us who feel hopeless. Instead of being so punitive to people who committed minor infractions for the first time, I will redirect their energy to bettering themselves. This is my background and goals. My personality is up next!
Personality
How do I start off…. I am a VERY complex individual. Heck, I don’t even know how to explain myself! I will briefly summarize my personality to include all of the varying characteristics that Geminis have. We are adaptable, intellectual, communicative, funny, unpredictable, eccentric, curious, thoughtful, indecisive, strong minded, easily distracted, and loving. There are some days when I have random bursts of energy. I feel superhuman, like I can do a lot of things at once. Then other days, I’m in my thoughts. Just not in the mood to socialize – to be around people. There are days when I crave an intellectually stimulating conversation… but to avail. (People in my age group are so boring and uninteresting)! Some days I overthink about the little things that happened in the past. My mind just doesn’t know how to shut down sometimes. Chillax! It can be frustrating because I would like my thoughts to be blank for a period of time. Other days, I am extremely grateful to God for everything that I’ve been through. Some days, I question why I had to be disgraced and put in situations that were avoidable but too naive to see the red flags and leave. Highs and lows. Mostly highs – thank God. I am still blessed to be able to breathe and not have my life taken from me the night before. Walking out my house and not making it to my car or my destination due to being shot, kidnapped, stabbed, ran over, etc, is certainly possible. Going to bed one night feeling fine, just to suffer a silent heart attack in my sleep can happen. I could easily be diagnosed with cancer and have it go undetected – up until my doctor discovers it but it’s too late because it’s terminal. This all constitutes to The Essence of Life. I pray that the Lord never stops reminding me of how blessed I am. Sorry, back to my personality. I think it is a blessing and a curse to care so deeply about people. Let me explain. Sometimes people use that to their advantage. Other times, they did not mean to hurt us but we were still highly and emotionally affected nonetheless. I pay attention to words, tone of voice, body language, and actions taken. They each affect how I will respond. Sometimes I can respond and react negatively. Other times, I respond and react gracefully. I could become highly defensive when people insult my intelligence or make me feel inferior in any way, shape or form. As optimistic as I am, I don’t do too well with pessimistic people. They annoy my soul to the core. Granted, we are all affected by trying conditions so there’s that. But being upset and moping around endlessly, it’s too much. They are more focused on the bad rather than the good. Also, due to me being emotionally sensitive to others, I tend to carry the baggage of others as if it were mine. It makes me feel so low if I can’t cheer up whoever is feeling blue. But also, I think it’s crucial to protect your positive energy and spirit from people who would much rather indulge in the minor inconveniences of life. Now, my fellow friends, if I have offended you in any way with my honesty, I sincerely apologize. This is just my personality. It wouldn’t be true to me or you if I sugarcoat how I am or how I feel. 🙂 . To sum it up, complaining all the time and being moody all the time, is a no no. My friends, do not be dismayed by my candidness. I still would very much love to hear your stories and how far you’ve come. That is one of the main purposes of me starting this blog to begin with. Spreading love is easy to do when it comes naturally.
Misunderstood
Now, there are times when I said I should let things go. Being the bigger person can be hard at times because there are certain people that are always pushing our buttons. Other times, we put on this persona to hide away our Insecurities. On the surface, we might seem and look unfazed by what is being said. But me pretending to be unaffected by hurting words is a defense mechanism that I go to from time to time. Who’s with me? Anyone? (Eyes darting back and forth). Bummer.
When I am alone, I’ll be down for a little bit then I remember….. I’m that bleep. All jokes aside though. It’s hard for me to explain my feelings because when I do, I am not emotionally strong to talk about them without bursting into tears or my voice quaking. I hate that so much. I would much rather be stone cold than cry my eyes out like a baby. Sometimes I cry when I am angry too (shaking my head). My family can attest to me being a “smart ass” or a “know it all.” Why? It’s because sometimes, and I hate to admit it, but their words can be triggering and make me feel small and worthless. So when that happens, I try to puff up my head and embarrass them with my words by questioning their mindset. When people invalidate my feelings and/or opinions, I get defensive. When people don’t hear where I am coming from, I get upset. I cannot have one sided conversations that are benefitting no one in the process. I am highly outspoken and opinionated so if I’m being ignored, I will ignore them too. (This is just in general with people).
Engaging in thoughtful and open minded discussions are thrilling if both parties are willing to have their stance challenged respectively. If it is out of spite, you lost me there. But sometimes I act on impulse and say and/or do things that were not clearly thought through. My emotions takes over and my thoughts are overshadowed with negative feelings. That is why I think it’s important to protect one’s spirit. Feeling resentful is nasty. On the flip side, I do love big time. I will go to war for you. Even when we are not on good or talking terms, I will be there for you if called upon. That is just who I am. Life is too short to hold grudges. But just remember, do not let people walk all over you. There are boundaries that must be established so you won’t get your heart broken in the process. Doing things for people that will not do the same things for you, is a no no. Do not believe their enticing words, they’re just using you my friend. We deserve more than what we are settling for. We are worthy. Definitely.
Conclusion
For the sake of not boring you guys, I will end it here. This is just my personality and a little background into my life. I hope I am not the only one who is like this. If we have similarities, yayyyyyyy! If we don’t, that’s okay too! We all come from different backgrounds.
Thank you for reading. You may leave questions, comments and/or suggestions if you would like. God bless.
