Manipulation comes in all shapes and sizes. It can be very subtle or direct and in your face. For manipulation to be blatantly in our faces, we would much rather look the other direction than to actually believe that someone that we love and/or care for very much is capable of making a fool out of us. Unfortunately, I know a lot of people that fall into the former category. Sometimes it is not even in the words people say but in the actions that they display. Other times, it is what they say and how they say it that keeps us confused and under their control. What they say makes us believe them because they are able to finesse their way into our feelings and they are able to flip the script and control the narrative. Us, well some of us, being naive and/or inattentive about what is going on, are often susceptible into having ourselves deceived because we do not know any better. Some of us have tendencies to fall in love with words and we hope that that will later transpire into actions. The Mind and Our Thoughts can be VERY easy to fool if we are oblivious for too long.
Another thing about manipulation and what I find pretty interesting is people don’t know when they are doing it! They’ve gotten away with their cunningness for so long and when people catch them in the act of trying to maneuver the situation in a way that is deceitful, they are automatically taken aback and defensive. They don’t realize that their ways will not fly with everyone and when someone points it out, they don’t understand what the person is talking about (or so they claim). We may never really know. But those are the ones to watch out for. If they do not know when they are conniving, imagine what they are capable of when they are indeed planning a mischievous act! (Genuine or Deceptive).
Furthermore, since we are not perfect human beings, we will be tempted to manipulate others to do our dirty work. Or at least to get what we want in the end. Heck, even both. Anyone claiming to not have been tempted to manipulate a situation to their advantage is being dishonest about themselves. We’ve all had desires to get to a certain place or to be with a certain someone in our lives.
For example, if we want to be with someone that is out of our league, we spoil them with this “lavish” lifestyle to make them fall in love. In reality, we are swimming deep in debt because of our schemes. So instead of the person falling genuinely in love with who we are, they are in love with the life we live and are in love with what we have to offer – until they find out we’re a fraud. And in the end, it’s a lose-lose because not only does this woman or man walk out on us because we lied to them, but we are broke and lonely.
Or how about we cheat our way through our careers by engaging in fraudulent activities in order to bolster our position and/or status. We manipulate whoever to get to the top. Or how about manipulating someone to come back home with us after meeting them at a bar or party or something with the intention of “getting lucky.” But of course, we play it off as if we are interested in learning more about the person but yet we are serving them up with alcohol and drugs in order to get them “loose.” In the end, it is just plain evil and highly manipulative either way it goes and I would much rather not continue this scenario. I can’t think of anymore examples but these are these three main ones that came up in my mind.
To reiterate about manipulating a situation, this requires us to be calculative and attentive about how to play the cards right. Some of us can only plan up to a certain scenario, then it is improvising from there. Some of us are perfectionists and we are able to cover every spot with different alternatives of what could arise in any given instance. Heck, some of us even improvise from the start and hope we are able to get somewhere at the very least. Either way, the preparation to gather ourselves emotionally and mentally to play the part requires us to mask anything that may give off any suspicion of deceit. It’s creepy if you really think about it.
Let me go back to a person playing a role to get what they want. When this person is about to be told that they are wrong for saying or doing so and so, they know they are about to be cornered. People do not like the truth so they are already defensive from the jump. When there is clear evidence about how this person is in the wrong, the individual will either walk out of the room or they’ll look visibly hurt and/or distressed – which makes us feel bad about what we did. They’ll be so emotional and they’ll claim they never knew that they were hurting us. And we are falling for this act because we are caring people. This manipulator feeds off of our sympathy and that is how they are able to control the situation, even when it wasn’t theirs for the taking in the beginning.
So instead of sincerely apologizing and acknowledging that they’re in the wrong, they make sure to cut the conversation short by avoiding to talk about the bigger issue at hand. We’re distracted to even realize that what we wanted to really talk about, has been swept under the rug because of their outstanding performance of letting their emotions play out before we get an actual word in. I mean… cheaters do this ALL the time. If anything, I believe they are the most manipulative when it comes to playing with the feelings of their partners. Very damaging and unfair. But lo and behold! Let the same action be done to them and we’ve committed the most terrible crime known to mankind. We have inserted the biggest gash in their abdomen and they are bleeding profusely with nothing to stop this wound. Oh how terrible! (Rolls eyes).
But let me bring in another example.
Let’s say this manipulator IS receptive about their wrongdoing and they are actually reeling in the hurt that they’ve caused and are sincerely apologetic about what they have done and/or said. But not only that, they also want to make sure that we’re aware of what we said or did to contribute to whatever the situation is. I mean, can we honestly say they are getting the point? The attention is deflected off of them. Plainly put – they will accept responsibility (maybe not) AFTER they know we ourselves accept accountability for our actions. Prior mistakes do not have anything to do with what is current but the manipulator will include them anyways to make themselves look less guilty or at least make it seem like what we did is far more worse than what they did. These people – A HEADACHE. It is no point in arguing with them, it is a dead end. It will never end until we are mentally and emotionally exhausted and we just give in and let this person believe we are at fault more than they are.
As stated, manipulation comes in all forms. No questions about it.
What I recently thought about when it comes to this topic are people who use what they’ve been through in their childhood as an excuse to be terrible people. Although, sometimes due to the way some of us are disciplined and brought up, we don’t know how to love and as a result, some of us are not faithful in our relationships. To me, I believe staying faithful in a relationship is a basic, mutual agreement that goes without saying and should be expected from both parties involved. The “reasoning” behind someone cheating because they were never taught how to love as a child is NOT acceptable. I just don’t buy it. It’s hard to see the justifications for that. I believe when people get into relationships that not only helps them heal from past traumas but uplift them in ways that they never knew were possible, these are the kind of people we should try to be faithful because they mean well and genuinely care. So when people try to use their upbringing to explain away why their self control was lacking, I can’t see the Validations for committing acts that are exceptionally disrespectful and damaging. But as always, that’s just me.
Thank you for reading. You may leave comments, questions and/or suggestions if you so choose. God bless.
