YASSSSSSSSSS.
I get it, it can be extremely hard and it can be thought of as impossible but forgiveness is key in repairing one’s heart/soul. As a result, we receive warmth, wholeness, and comfort. Forgiveness is vital to every aspect of our wellbeing but I think it is crucial to our emotional and spiritual health because it produces a sense of peace and healing once we are able to fully allow ourselves to forgive oneself and others. It makes us understand the wrong even when we don’t appreciate the action/behavior. We are able to accept their flawed nature and their mistakes because we are in a state of mind that is not affected by their wrongdoings any longer. As humans, we are prone to making mistakes that we sorely regret later on but sometimes costly mistakes leaves an open wound that goes unhealed for decades because the pain cuts deeper beneath any and every surface of our spirit.
A simple apology won’t work by itself. Anyone can verbally say they’re sorry without actually meaning it. A victim/survivor that is going through that kind of brokenness/pain will distant themselves from the individual or from anyone that remotely reminds them of the individual as one form of healing. The person who caused the pain must understand that they cannot rush their healing. They must acknowledge that the victim/survivor needs time to process the events that transpired. We cannot force someone to accept an apology because we want the feeling of guilt to disappear. That kind of makes the apology insincere because the apology is based on wanting to get rid of that uncomfortable feeling of guilt rather than wanting the affected party to genuinely get better and heal from their pain.
The guilty party cannot handle the responsibility or uncomfortableness of their actions so in exchange for quickly apologizing for their wrongdoing – they want the apology to be welcomed immediately. NO.
That is absolutely not fair to the hurting individual.
Everyone is different and so everyone is entitled to take ALL the time they need in order to regain their sense of peace. Regaining that sense of peace might require certain people to step out on EVERYONE and go to a place that brings them tranquility. And on top of that, it doesn’t have to be about peace.
People can excuse themselves from a situation because they are boiling with Anger inside of them. They have been taken advantage of and their feelings are mixed with betrayal, resentment and sadness. How that energy is released is dependent on the person but we are NOT allowed to dictate how long a person should take to heal just because we’re uneasy about it.
The act of forgiveness shows growth and maturity, with a sprinkle of grace and acceptance. (Acceptance is included because what is done – cannot be changed. Especially if a life was lost as a result. Even though we do not agree with the outcome and we are devastated by their reasoning as to what led them to commit such an act, we accept that things are not within our control. And we also accept apologies that are heartfelt and sincere).
Forgiveness is an act that redefines who a person is because they’re strong enough to forgive volatile acts that were committed against them, even when they have reasons to hate the person and be done with it. Forgiving the most diabolical kind of criminally/immorally driven acts that was directed at us or to someone we love, takes an incredible amount of effort and grace from the Lord because it is so much easier to hate. To look upon the face of an offender who killed our beloved son or daughter or a rapist who sexually assaulted someone that we’re close to is too much for any of us to handle. But to hear their story as to what drove them to that kind of state of mind and what led up to that God forsaken day is even worse.
Forgiving them is a strength that comes from a powerful individual that is spiritually fortified in the Lord and emotionally and mentally invincible because of it.
But let’s think about it for a moment.
For those of us who are questioning me as to why God must be a part of someone who is able to forgive such acts committed against them or against someone they love – do you think it is HUMANLY possible to forgive something so awful without the intervention of the Lord? The Lord Himself was the first one to exercise such forgiveness on mankind the day He died on the Cross at Calvary. Not only that, but He asked the Father in Heaven to forgive the very people who persecuted Him because they did not know what they just did. (They killed the Son of Man who was purely innocent and sinless in all ways and only came into the world to save it from itself).
Our Sinful Nature will make us seek retributive measures to hurt people the same way they hurt us. Some of us are too stubborn to allow anyone to double cross us without consequence. We do not like being taken for a fool or have awful things committed against us go unchecked so as a result – we want to make sure the pressure is felt. By any means necessary.
So yes.
Pardon me if I think forgiveness of such atrocities is a trait that comes from the Lord Himself. We each are capable of having a revengeful spirit if we allow the evil in this world to take control of our lives. If we allow Satan to destroy our spiritual, mental, and emotional foundation, we will always be angry whenever someone does something that hurts us. The devil is angry with mankind because of our relationship with God and if he is able to make us angry at the world and hate God, his plans are moving right along. (Check out Greed and Pride for more on this).
A forgiving spirit is a spirit that the devil will try to turn sour because that kind of spirit will not be phased by the corruption of this world. That kind of spirit will always search within oneself (with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit) to not allow an inch of hate to curse their hearts. No matter what kind of evil schemes the devil is trying to implement, his plans will be thwarted because the Lord is spiritually reviving and/or protecting that individual’s spirit.
A forgiving spirit/person is powerful because they are unwilling to hold on to grudges and/or they are strong enough to not allow the devil to turn them into sinister beings because of what they’ve been through. They will always be one step ahead of the devil as a result.
People who are blessed with a forgiving nature, get it from the Lord Himself. The extent of forgiveness instilled in all of us varies though. Some of us are unwilling to forgive and would much rather hang on to hate and others are able to take some time to cool off and recollect themselves. The ones who are able to recollect themselves are at odds within themselves because they are battling against both rage and forgiveness. So for someone to choose forgiveness when rage was an option (an easy one at that), they were able to accumulate enough grace from the Lord and from within themselves to not allow rage to consume them and cloud their judgment. So they forgive not only themselves but the people who wronged them.
I believe forgiveness is equally as important to the victim/survivor as it is to the offender. I know there are people who have made mistakes and they cannot go a day without beating themselves up for engaging in such foolishness. I know they walk around sulking in their grievances and they are in a terrible headspace because they either must suffer the consequences of their actions (prison) and/or gripe with the fact that they’ve committed a mistake that could’ve easily been avoidable.
For example, if they unfortunately commit a murder, the hatred they have for themselves for taking a life (if they are remorseful), must be unbearable and soul crushing. They are thinking they could’ve easily seek other alternatives that were not deadly, instead of doing this and that. If they had one chance to go back in time to make a better decision, they would accept that opportunity in a heartbeat.
Flashbacks of that fateful day must be tormenting and excruciatingly haunting. I can only imagine. So when victims forgive offenders like these, they don’t know the good they are doing for the hurting perpetrator. They don’t know how long these offenders waited to hear those words, “I forgive you” because part of the reason why they beat themselves up is based on the fear that they’ll never be forgiven by the families and/or friends of the person they regrettably killed. Because these offenders were forgiven by the very people who were/are affected by the death of their beloved, the weight of guilt and remorse will begin to ease up as a result. They will start to discover the road to healing because it was enabled and put in motion by the people they’ve hurt the most. What do y’all think? (:
Repentance
After repentance comes forgiveness. If we confess and repent of our sins, forgiveness will ensue. If we pour out our hearts to the people that are hurt as a result of our wrongdoing(s), in the hopes that they will forgive us, most likely they will because we were able to admit our wrongs and apologize for them (of course depending on our wrongs, forgiveness varies to a certain extent). Heck, forgiveness may never come because it depends on how the person is. Some are hellbent on staying mad until it kills them (literally). Furthermore, the same concept applies to the Lord.
If we were/are to seek forgiveness from the Lord by repenting of our sins, He WILL forgive us because we are remorseful about them. There are some mistakes that will never be committed again because we made a vow to ourselves that they will never be repeated. In order for the forgiveness to hold weight, we must refrain from committing the same mistakes that made us seek forgiveness in the first place. If we were serious about not wanting to offend those that we love, it is easy to stay clear of things that they do not approve of – well it should be.
However, taking for granted the Lord’s forgiveness and mercy will make us commit the same mistakes/sins because we were never apologetic in the first place. But, it is always a good idea and highly recommended to ask the Lord to change us from our deceitful ways and to help mold us into the person He knows we are capable of becoming. Asking the Lord to change any form of deception in our hearts and mind continuously and sincerely will convince the Lord that we are leaning on Him to take hold of our current state and transform it into something better than its original state. And as a result, He will gladly do!
We should want to be authentic and stand by what we say and do. We don’t want to say one thing and do another. We want our words and actions to be aligned with each other, not against.
Conclusion
As it is written and proclaimed by the Lord when asked by Peter how many times must he forgive his brothers who sin against him, the Lord replied, “seventy times seven.” In other words, Peter initially asked if seven times is the appropriate number to forgive a person who sin against him and the Lord replied, “No, not seven times but seventy times seven.”
There is no shortage in forgiving a person. The Lord exercised this every second of everyday when newfound believers seek Him. Since it is within the Lord’s essence to forgive and show mercy, it is impossible for Him to stop doing so. In addition, I believe seeking His mercy and forgiveness most often comes from a hurting heart that is remorseful, but in the end, the Lord forgives us right then and there. People who only ask for forgiveness because it is the right thing to do, do not always mean it sincerely every time one apologizes so we must only apologize when we really are genuine about it. The sins we confess to Him are washed away because the Lord’s righteousness overshadows and is greater than our inequities that we all have as physical human beings.
Thank you for reading. You may leave questions, comments and/or suggestions if you so choose.
