What is love? Is love something we feel emotionally and express physically through the things we do? Is love something that requires us to make time for things we adore? What makes love so tough to talk about when we try to verbally express our feelings? When it is Anger, we have no problem voicing out our frustrations… Am I right? When we do certain acts that goes against our morals, we conclude it to be because of love. Some of us are thankful to find genuine and healthy love. Others are unfortunately entangled in toxic and draining love. Which is funny because the word “love” even looks loving! It’s a nice word that produces a warm feeling when we think about the people or the things we cherish.
Even though this world is full of evil, we are still able to love those who bring us so much pain. Or happiness. The Essence of Life and God’s Existence are the reasons why love is so widespread…. even when evil is lurking in the shadows nearby… Let’s dive in, shall we?
Sacrificial Love
Sacrificial love…. The kind that the Lord first displayed by offering His life for us so that we may be saved. The kind that our parents show us when they go above and beyond to make sure we’re well taken care of. It makes us grateful to those who are willing to put the needs of others before their happiness. They are happy when people they love the most are happy. Once faced with danger, sacrificial love will enable anyone to risk their lives to protect their family/partner/friends/pets. This kind of love is absolutely genuine. It’s so self less. To think that people would gladly lay down their lives so that we may be able to live another day – moves my heart.
Sacrificial love doesn’t even have to be about willingly laying our lives down for the people we care about. It’s also about not starting that business or enrolling in school because we are in the midst of assisting others to get on their feet. If we think about it, we all sacrifice a part of ourselves for others – even when we don’t want to. Most of the time we do not consider it a burden but other times it can be a nuisance. Either way, we make sure that everyone in our lives are straight and are good to go.
Confusion
People get the wrong idea about what “love” is. Granted, I am no expert myself nor do I claim to be but there are signs that absolutely do not equate to love.
Any form of abuse is not love. Any form of blatant and intentional disrespect is not love. Anything that continuously harm the emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and psychological health is not love.
Indeed, we do go through trying times with our family and romantic partners that makes us susceptible to pain. But those kind of situations are unavoidable. No one has a relationship that is full of rainbows and sunshine. However, there are happy moments that should definitely outweigh the bad times…. Moments we should look forward to in any kind of relationship. But if the “love” requires there to be some sort of abuse in any way on a consistent level, that is unhealthy.
My friends, hoping or expecting that things will get better when dealing with someone who is abusive and/or evil, is NOT something to stick around for. Half hearted apologies are meant to be taken lightly. It’s an attempt to make us feel sorry so we never leave them. Don’t fall for it!
Any “love” that requires our partner to hide their cheating affairs in an attempt to “save” the relationship is fraudulent. (Check out Genuine or Deceptive and Second Chances for more insight). “Love” that requires anyone to isolate themselves from their friends and family because their partner think it’s the best choice, is grimy. My friends, do not settle for that.
What Do You Think?
I remember hearing this woman who goes by the name Amber Rose talk about love/cheating. She said something along the lines of “If he loves you enough, you’ll never find out.” She also stated that she thinks every man cheats…. Although everyone is entitled to their opinions, there should be NO justifications for cheating. Cheating is not something that is meant to be tolerated. And to be fair, generalizing that all men cheat is inaccurate. It is not rational to defend actions that are deliberately done out of lust and/or hate. There is no respect for a man who goes outside of his relationship to seek pleasure from other women and then tries to cover up his affairs. Same principle applies to women.
To be honest, I really have trouble understanding why people can’t walk away from a relationship they’re not happy in. Why drag anyone along… just to hurt them in the end? Instead of being mature and responsible, people would much rather indulge in ill-mannered behaviors. I just don’t get that kind of thinking. (What are your thoughts? Let me know in the comments).
Situational Love
You know that kind of “love” that is based on what others can do for us?
Depending on the circumstances, the “love” will either increase or decrease. If people can supply us with what we need, we’re all for it. It is almost like being in awe of the things people can do rather than the person themselves. When someone provides for us and are able to accommodate us when we need them, we just love how responsive they are. But, I think that that kind of “love” is misplaced. I know there are people who try to justify that as genuine but I think love is based on accepting all the flaws and positive attributes of a person. Not only loving the parts that are beneficial to us. We must also accept their imperfections because we are not perfect too. It’s a trade off from both sides. Compromising is necessary for the relationship to move forward and for the love to blossom.
Loneliness
Some people are in relationships because they know what it’s like to be alone. The love is solely based on fears of being alone and not because the love is naturally felt for the romantic partner. This kind of love will make the person linger around for a while to avoid the feeling of emptiness. Maybe overtime, the love can be genuine because the person is able to look past their insecurities of being alone and actually become interested in getting to know their partners. They just need to get out of their heads to fully realize how lucky they are to have so and so. There’s hope!
Question
What makes love so hard for us to talk about? Why are we always at lost for words?
Do you want to know my answer?
Great. I’ll tell you. I think it has to do with our vulnerabilities being on full display. The emotions are raw and so intense and the fear of that affection not being reciprocated, makes it harder to talk about our feelings. Sometimes we’re pushed to the edge and we feel cornered… it is at that point that we have to be honest about the way we feel.
For example, when we’re closed off and being standoffish in relationships, it helps us safeguard the way we feel. Our partner grows weary of having to put up with our aloofness so they threaten to leave if we’re not forthcoming with our emotions. It is only then that we try to find the words to say to make them stay. But not only that, it’s also then that we face our vulnerabilities and be upfront about how much we actually do cherish them.
Another reason why love is so hard for us to talk about is because we hate feeling/being soft. We normally put on this persona that we can do bad all by ourselves but once it comes down to it, we’re little softies at heart. I know I am. This is Just My Personality. (Well…. one trait of mine but that is beside the point.)
We don’t show that softy side too often…. Maybe on special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays. Or, that side is a constant thing in certain relationships. The flowers, long text messages, expressing admiration, dining out, spas, vacations, etc. People do not mind being soft all the time for the ones they love. Others…. it takes a while to be comfortable in expressing love like that. I feel like I can be a little bit of both. I guess we are a little bit of both.
Last but not least, the fear of love not being returned. It has to suck to be more in love with our partner than they are with us. Sometimes we have a feeling that we love them more. Other times, we only find out how it is when we finally have a sit down with our partner(s). If the affection is not balanced equally on both sides, we would much rather NOT know from the jump. We normally get these hunches that makes us feel we love the person more or vice versa.
One way – we do more to show our appreciation for them than they do or vice versa. We easily say those three special words way more often than they do or vice versa. We go out of our way to be supportive of them and in what they do. The signs are telling. As a result, we would much rather not confront the possibility that their affection might not match our surpass ours. How tragic!
Conclusion
Unfortunately, some of us are incapable of receiving or giving genuine love because of our experiences from the past. Maybe due to our love being violated by a close friend/family member. Being sexually assaulted has DEVASTATING results when it comes to loving people. Some of us will not allow ourselves to be touched in a loving way because it triggers a negative flashback of the past. We will not believe that the love is genuine even when it is.
It’s hard.
Being able to distinguish between toxic and genuine love seems difficult. “Everyone is toxic.” That mindset is a true reality for some of us. Unluckily, some of us never really experienced love within our own family. When someone with good intentions comes along, we push them away. We don’t know what it is like to experience love so we think everyone is trying to play us. Our parents were not as loving growing up. (Check out Criticism for more on this topic).
All in all, our definition of love varies from one person to the next.
Conclusively, love is a wonderful thing. If it uplifts rather than degrade – I’m here for it!
Thank you again for checking out this blog. God Bless. You may leave questions, comments and/or suggestions if you so choose.
