It is hard to go through life without ever being disappointed by the very people we put on a pedestal. We expect so much from people who do the bare minimum or we expect more from those who don’t see the point in even attempting to be a better version of themselves. We are drawn in based on the false promises or actions that appeared to be commendable at first, but slowly and surely, these actions had sneaky motives behind them. Then, we are left feeling stupid and vulnerable, believing lies that were colored so vividly and bright when in reality, people aren’t who they claim to be. It is always found out the hard way. Whether we are falling out with close best friends or we engage in a heated discussion with a family member and we start to get a glimpse at the real person behind the mask. Of course, all of this leads back to….. disappointment.
We disappoint ourselves. Disappoint others. It’s a never ending cycle. We try not to disappoint others by masquerading as superwoman/man until their expectations starts to get exceedingly difficult to accomplish. But that is the problem. Some of us are expected to bear the burden of getting our family out of poverty or going to that great ivy league school so our parents can boast about our accomplishments and stroke their egos when it comes to showing off to their friends. These expectations were never once proven by us, we never once achieved such requests before but we are expected to exceed standards that were not even attainable by the very people who set them. We must endure them because…. well do we have a choice? As kids, we want to make our parents proud. We want to be able to put a smile on their faces, even if it means we suffer in silence and our emotions are shrouded in darkness. And then when the ball drops, when it is finally revealed that the stress to be perfect is detrimental to our wellbeing, disappointment is the immediate reaction to such failure.
How taxing is that?
Goodness.
I know that there are people out in this world who knows what it feels like to be looked down upon because we couldn’t achieve or surpass our parents’ wildest dreams. And no, I am not entirely speaking from experience. Although, there have been certain expectations that seem outlandish to meet because I truly have no desire whatsoever to fulfill them. But in the grander scheme of things, a lot of people do feel trapped and are unable to voice their disapproval in such instances. It is A LOT.
So that kind of disappointment may be demoralizing at first, but these were things that we never proved we can handle or execute in the first place. It was brought upon us with no regard to our feelings and/or desire because we never really had a say on what we wanted to do in life. It was always decided for us. It irks me when people think they can have the audacity to get mad at those who are unable and/or unwilling to partake in their fantasy of success. We all have strengths and weaknesses and for people to project their wants and needs to anyone without truly knowing what they’re capable of is selfish. Without getting their opinion on such matters is inconsiderate. That is being set up to fail from the very beginning! But I digress.
Moreover, the kind of disappointment I am more interested in discussing, as stated in the first paragraph, has more to do with being deceived/let down by people we should expect more from. Some parents believe they deserve the world because they were blessed by the Lord to have children. Some parents are emotionally unavailable, mentally degrading, and verbally abusive. Some parents believed they are owed the world and if we do not succeed in fulfilling their commands, we are a disgrace. An embarrassment. And THAT, my friend, is where we mess up. Do you think it is possible to get true, unconditional and genuine love from these types of people described above? Is it even rational or realistic to think or expect that any good can come out of people who are narcissistic or egotistical? From people who do not see any wrong in their behavior and who think they can do no wrong? Or what about our partners who cannot even honor the basic agreement of the relationship – to be faithful? To be loving and supportive? Or what about our bosses who lowball us and do not give us the respect and salary we deserve? Or friends who backstab us and try to make themselves seem better and bigger than the next person? Heck, what about kids who were given everything to achieve in this world but throw it all away because they can? Disappointment comes from expectations. Wouldn’t it be better to be pleasantly surprised?
We soon find out that people suck, to be frank. Hey. We all fall short on areas that we can improve on. No one is perfect, that is completely understood (by me at least). We’re reeled in to a life of possibilities just to be disappointed in the end. It happens. For me, disappointment seems to be a natural occurrence in my life. I do not think my eyes have ever been opened the way it is now. Part of my disappointment in people who are dear to me, comes from the fact that I would be readily available and accessible to those that need me the most. I am willing to fight for people I love/care about and when that effort is not reciprocated, it tears me up inside. It is the sad truth. In This is Just My Personality, I brought up how emotional I am when it comes to those who I value and that will never change. Even if I wanted to not feel, I cannot help myself because it is who I am. My feelings may be hidden underneath this wall I put up because people take my vulnerability and kindness for granted, but my feelings are raw and deep. They do not go away. And it doesn’t help the fact that I am always Overthinking, even when I do not want to think at all. I just want to not expect much from people and let people do what their heart desires. If they value me in any sense of the word, their actions will show. I wouldn’t have to force it out of them or corner them to truly see me. At the same time, ignorance is bliss. People love playing dumb or would love nothing more but to sweep up lingering issues under the rug and act like everything is okay. Avoidance is better than communication apparently. For me, I cannot rock like that. That is not who I am. I love to converse and spill out whatever that has been on my psyche lately and it is therapeutic when people are able to bear out their hearts the same way. It makes me have hope for humanity that people aren’t cold and insensitive – just a little hope though. But finding people who are in tune with themselves, emotionally intelligent and can articulate their thoughts in a graceful, humbled manner is rare. And I don’t say this to act like I communicate politely and thoughtfully all the time. There are certain people in my life who trigger me in ways that make me act impulsively unfortunately. People that I distance myself from because I know what the end result will be. But generally and thankfully, I am someone who likes to look at the glass half full and be affectionate and courteous to people I come across.
Furthermore, I sometimes disappoint myself with the way I handle my emotions, to say the least. I always rethink about what I could say differently or how could’ve handled the situation better. I am quick with my words and my witty nature can be taken the wrong way if I am not careful. Fortunately, people are appreciative of how eccentric I am and others are taken aback and are reluctant to engage because they may have to come out of their comfort zone a bit. To each their own. I don’t expect anything in particular when I meet new people and rightfully so, I don’t want to preoccupy my head with these preconceived thoughts about strangers, just to be let down in the end. And not even strangers. People who I consider acquaintances or even members of my own family, I am not fazed by what they say or what they do as I used to be. I’ve learned to just focus on me and the rest will follow. I can ever truly expect perfection from the Lord Himself and only Him. I have complete faith in Him, His promises and His plans for my life. The Lord knows my sorrows and my soul and it gives me relief and peace because humans can always misjudge and criticize things they do not understand or choose to be spiteful because they can. Being misunderstood has always been a part of me, but at the same time, people choose what they want to see. People love to nitpick and point out any negative traits a person might have but cannot and will not name one thing they themselves can work on. But I digress.
The best sound advice I can give to anyone is to not FULLY put your trust in humans. You will be sourly disappointed. We can’t expect people to change for the better if they do not want to. We can’t expect people to love us unconditionally if they see us as a meal ticket or. We cannot expect people to be genuine with their intentions if they are focused on getting something out of us. We cannot expect genuine love if people themselves have never been given such affection in their lives. But at the same time, people use that as an excuse, an easy way out. “I don’t know know how to love because I was never taught how to love growing up.” Well…. do you want to learn? To try? Is there a yearning to break that toxic cycle so you won’t inflict that harm on others who do not deserve being strung along for no reason? That is what I mean by the bare minimum. People who hide behind that lazy mentality, to let things be because they don’t know any better are only trying to get off easy. But that is another topic for another time.
Going back to expectancies – it is just unwanted stress, unnecessary drama, and a complete hassle to deal with people who want to remain stagnant in their growth and complacent with their worrying views. Just let go and let God. What will come, will come. Who will come, will come. Worrying about what could be, should be and would be, is draining. Just worry about what you can handle and control and just remain faithful and hopeful that the Lord will assist you in every way that uplifts and strengthens you. Be cautious about who you invite into your inner circle and be watchful when it comes to people who are within your inner circle. People change, for better or worse. Don’t expect nothing from people that you cannot expect from yourself. Play fair. Even if you are able to succeed in a certain standard you set for yourself, do not expect others to have that same grind and commitment to get there with you. I’d rather be shocked and happy that someone actually followed through with their promise than to be holding my breath for however long for people to get their act together. It’s life. We’re all faulty in one way or another. What matters most is that we try to grow and improve on areas that we have control over. We try to be there for those who will walk the end of the Earth for us. And if we fall short, we must acknowledge it and apologize and hopefully make amends in one way or another.
Thank you for reading. God bless. You may leave a comment, question, or a suggestion if you would like.
